Blog: My experience with BDD

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Hello to all those reading this blog,

It is Mental Health Awareness Week again and it is a great way to help spread the message and increase understanding of mental health issues. The more understanding people in general have the more they can support they can give to those fighting this battle.

Also knowing you are NOT alone can be a tremendous source of comfort when you are in the grip of despair and feeling hopeless and helpless.

As part of my therapy I write poetry, it helps me on so many levels, I can explore my deepest, darkest feelings, it also to show others just what it feels like to be me – believe you me, being me isn’t always easy, some days I’d much rather be someone else!

Two years ago I published my first book of poetry ‘Janet, My Life In Poetry’, A colourful and eclectic collection, covering all aspects of my life, the 5 ‘F’s’, my Faith, my Family, my Friends, my Frustrations, including my battle with my BDD, depression and an anxiety disorder, and my Favourite things.

I also write for fun, at heart I’m still a child so my latest book of poetry (coming out this month) is for children, ‘Janet’s, Colourful Collection Of Poetry For Children’, it’s funny, crazy and quirky and young and old will love it.

Both books are sold for charity and both are available through eBay or my website www.janetfostpoetry.co.uk. Please rush to your computer right now and buy one as both books right now, please! All profits go to charity.

So to give you a taste of some of my poetry here is my poem ‘I once knew a shy and lonely girl’.

Shy and Lonely Girl

Once knew a shy and lonely girl,

Wanted so much to fit in,

She wished that she was cool and hip,

But the bullies did begin,

And they told her she was ugly,

With gapped teeth and stick out ears,

They made her school life miserable,

With cruel taunts and hurtful jeers,

Though she’d had a few so called friends,          

Yet  so many let her down,

She’d try to hide her hurt and pain,

She would laugh and play the clown,                   

Then a bad man in her village,

Did things, to this girl of eight,

Now all her hurt and suffering,

Turned to loathing and self-hate,

She thought that herself so ugly,                           

Loathed and hated how looked,

She wished that she was beautiful,

A princess, from story book,                                

 She kept her feelings deeply hid

 But in bed, she’d weep and cry,

After school she went to college,

Became a social butterfly,

She became so very anxious                              

Which led to panic attacks,

And though she found some happiness,

Odds against it, they were stacked,                     

Then at 16 met her boyfriend

Such a cute and handsome lad,

But something, deep within her brain,                

Was still messed up and so sad,

Her boyfriend, became her husband,                  

She knew that he loved her so,

Inside emotions just weren’t right,

Her issues still did grow,                                                                                                                            

 Deep inside, feeling fear and doubt,                       

So much sadness and such great pain,

 She kept going around in circles,

 Her past revisited again,

She looked so calm and confident,                     

You would never comprehend

Inner turmoil and such torment,

Mental illness wouldn’t end,                                   

She always wanted to belong,                                

For her that was a basic need,

Spent her whole life helping others,

She was desperate to please,                                 

All that bitterness and sadness,

She filed within her head,

What should have been a happy life,

Was blighted now instead,

She’s worked hard to solve her issues,                   

Help from faith and family,

Plus CBT and counselling,

Some good friends and poetry,

I still know a sad and lonely girl,                        

If you look closely then you’ll see,

Because that shy and lonely girl, Is hidden deep in me.