Supporting somone during pregnancy or after a new baby 

Offer to spend some relaxed time with them

Having some company can help them feel less isolated. This can be while they go about their daily tasks and look after their baby.

Try to understand if they don’t feel up to seeing or being around others at the moment. Sometimes, just offering can be helpful.

Suggest activities that you used to do together

Becoming a parent can sometimes make people feel disconnected from their former selves. Consider finding activities you both enjoyed before they became a parent to do together.

Alternatively, offer to look after the baby so they can have some time for themselves. For example, they could take a relaxing bath, watch a TV show they like, or simply get some rest.

Attend parent-baby groups or activities together

This can be helpful if they feel anxious about going to a group on their own. Start small by offering to observe a class with them initially or accompany them to talk to the instructor so they have an idea of what to expect.

Give them space

They might feel guilty if they don’t have much time to spend with others or if they’re not feeling well enough to reply to messages. Let them know that they only need to see or respond to you when they feel able.

Alternatively, you can send them a message to let them know you’re thinking of them and assure them they don’t need to reply.

Learn about perinatal mental health

If you’re concerned about how to discuss their mental health, try reading the rest of our perinatal mental health pages to gain more insight. It might make the conversation easier, especially if they’re struggling to open up.

Listen to them

Try to keep the focus on them. Avoid comparing their situation to other parents or your own experiences and feelings. It’s important that they can concentrate on their own needs.

Don’t try to fix them

When someone we care about is struggling, it’s natural to want to solve their problems. However, being a parent comes with a lot of pressure. Try to avoid telling them what you would do or what they should do. Simply being there can be enough.

Don’t judge them

If they open up about distressing thoughts or behave out of character, try not to judge them. It is likely very difficult for them to discuss these sorts of thoughts, and they may already be judging themselves harshly. Try to listen, reassure them, and offer support where possible.

Offer practical support

The best way to find out what they need is to ask them. However, if they feel very low, they might find it difficult to know what they need. Here are some things you could offer:

• Do cleaning, laundry, and other household tasks
• Help with cooking and shopping
• Remind them to take their medication, or help them take it on time
• Look after the baby or older children so they can get some sleep or have some time for themselves
• Help them with doctor’s appointments

You could offer to sit in the waiting room with them or accompany them to the appointment.

Alternatively, you could offer to look after their baby or older children while they attend appointments. If they struggle to arrange appointments, you could help with this and encourage them to have a conversation with their health visitor.

You could also help them plan what they’d like to discuss at appointments. If you go with them, you could take notes to help them remember the conversation.